I spent most of the year restless
for something new.
Counting my ribs in the mirror,
losing substance somehow.
Shouldn’t I feel whole when I say
I have you now?
We are skilled in silence
but your drunk heart whispers truths
to me while you are sleeping.
I lay shivering with your heat on me.
like UV rays on sunless days.
Suddenly I understand the distance between stars
and how hard it is to hold what can’t stay.
Clouds with gray swollen bellies
hang over a half-hearted summer.
The rustle of long grasses waving up
and across the Skagit plains.
I knew how hard leaving would be;
I knew it like how I know it’s going to rain.
Flesh has memory they say.
I spent the hot months trying to forget the cold,
trying to forget what it was like to have you to hold.
Sleeping with empty arms,
my head full of all the stories we never told.
I need to spin the wool of the words
and weave together the past
in the loom of my mind,
give it a place to rest
fall feels like
whatever else is coming
is on its way.